Water tragedy

The beach was all over the news for the wrong reasons again this weekend, in the aftermath of the tragic death of a swimmer.

A link to the map showing local swimming and boating zones can be found here. With the exception of the kite-boarding zone at St Kilda West, swimmers shouldn't have to worry about fast moving boats within 200m of the shore.

Summer's end

You know the days are getting shorter when you're up early enough to see the hot air balloons drifting over the city skyline.

It's been over a year now since the local beach hit the news worldwide thanks to a spectacularly watery landing.

Borderline

The Floodgate hotel used to mark the Northernmost tip of Sandridge Lagoon; the large saltwater lagoon onto which Esplanade East and West used to face. It was somewhat daringly built four years after the great flood of 1863 in a spot almost guaranteed to live up to its name.

Now, however, the pretty pub on the corner of Ingles Street is home to Madonna's; one of Port Melbourne's many many pizza joints (they do do pasta, risotto and a few other mains too mind).

It's an unpretentious restaurant that manages to balance a smart contemporary atmosphere with a family-friendly menu. The pizzas are topping heavy (which I guess is one of those love/hate things) aboard a relatively thin traditional base, and good value too at around $13 for a dinner plate-sized small.

Snail pace

It's not just Grid Maps that seem to believe that Bay Street shopping heaven starts somewhere around seven:am. This tourist-oriented sign on the corner of Rouse Street continues a Port Melbourne trend for bizarre estimated walking distances given that Miishu, and a dozen other shops, lie literally within feet.

Perhaps the likes of Thomas Dux et al weren't there when this sign was installed, but the same surely can't be said for the few remaining Victorian shopfronts on the other side of Bay Street.

White rose

In the interests of full disclosure I have to admit a bias here; I am a bit of a fan of the Little Creatures Brewing company. The arrival in Port of a Fitzroy-esque Little Creatures Dining Hall would probably do more to increase my quality of life than if St Ali's, Mamasita and The Espy all decided to move here. Sadly the reborn, and newly white-washed, Rose Diner isn't quite that good, but it does have an exceptional six of their beers and cider on tap (they have a reserve of Carlton tinnies in the fridge for those awkward moments with the uninitiated), and the roller door access to the forthcoming Little Rose jaffle cafe at the back hints at a possible nod in the direction of South Melbourne's hidden coffee mecca.

I think, on balance, that I preferred the previous interior of The Rose; however that proved not to be a winning formula. The new operators obviously liked the horseshoe bar as they've built another one, which seems to jut out even further, perhaps to help separate the diner from the bar. The almost exclusively bare brick walls are offset by patches of pastel green pressed metal, and there's the obligatory strange objects fixed to one wall. So this seems to be a promising addition to the local pub scene. Walking in you can't help thinking "well this isn't very Port Melbourne", which makes you wonder whether the owners have got it horribly wrong, or whether they've taken a cunning look ahead at where the suburb is headed and placed themselves ready to make the most of it. I for one hope it's the latter.

And then of course there's the small matter of the subtle name change. For, as if to really emphasise the new direction of the joint, The Rose has become a "diner". Not a formal restaurant in the padded chairs sense, and yet not a burger and chips bistro either, with a surpising number of menu ingredients beginning with the letter 'Q'. It's a very different proposition to the Bay & Bridge opposite.

Beers on tap: Little Creatures Pale Ale, Little Creature Bright Ale, Little Creatures Pilsner, White Rabbit Dark Ale, White Rabbit White Ale, and Budvar
Wine range: $6.50-$14 a glass
Parma: No, no, no!
Gastro: Very much so
Tradie vs Yuppy: Yup, yup, yup!

Resolute Rudolph

I don't know, or frankly care, exactly when Christmas decorations are meant to come down ... but I'm pretty sure that it's before Coles start selling Easter eggs.

Yet, possibly the most famous name on Bay Street, Troy Lupoi and his Westpac branch appear firmly in the festive spirit. Shame that spirit didn't exactly shine through with today's mortgage rate hike.

Phantom park

There is another Port Melbourne guide out there. It's a colourful folded map widely circulated at tourist spots throughout the city by Grid Maps, who have much more up-to-date advertisers than Civic Guide. It's centred around Albert Park, also covers South Melbourne and Middle Park (although oddly doesn't stretch to include Station Pier), and shows the location of advertisers, commercial strips and parks. However despite being published in 2010, the current version manages errors in all three categories.

It's understandable that it might still show the former location of Emma Jay Designs before they moved on, however it does the remaining business owners of Bay Street a bigger disservice (particularly those toward the beach end), by erroneously showing the commercial strip ending shortly after Coles. And the residents of the mostly Victorian houses that back onto Drysdale Street are in for even more of a shock, as apparently they live on open parkland!

Victoria's hubby

Curious as to what might have caused the Prince Alfred Hotel to be demoted in the Cheap Eats guide this year, I paid it a visit. The Alfred lies on the corner of Bay Street and Spring St North inbetween The Rose and the Sloaney Pony. At first glance the exterior suggests an unrenovated pub, however inside all interior walls have some time ago been taken out to generate a huge open area with an imposing central bar. However unlike many local pubs it still retains a period feel, thanks to exposed beams, woodwork and arched windows.

For me, this is an ideal Port Melbourne pub. In fact, were it not for the imminent intriguing rebirth of the Rose, I'd be tempted to declare it the town's best. It has a proper range of domestic beers on tap, it's not brightly lit, it has live entertainment, it has a menu good enough for a date, but it's still ultimately a traditional inn with a good atmosphere. It might have dropped a notch in The Age's estimations (although this is possibly more due to rising menu prices than declining quality), but it's still more highly regarded than those flashier joints at the other end of Bay Street.

And so concludes my review of every single pub in Port Melbourne. We are lucky to have so many proper pubs (way more than wonder-suburb South Yarra), and catering to such a wide range of punters. The biggest lesson I've learnt is that you just can't tell what a pub's like by its exterior, so if there's one that's always put you off from outside, give it a go!

Beers on tap: Coopers Light, Carlton, Coopers Pale, Pure Blonde, Becks, Little Creatures Bright Ale, Prickly Moses Otway Ale, St Arnou Pilsner, Mountain Goat Steam Ale, White Rabbit Dark Ale!
Wine range: $8-$11 a glass
Parma: $22 (nicely presented, but cheese and chips are a let down)
Gastro: Heading that direction
Tradie vs Yuppy: Smack bang in the middle